and though i’ve never felt so full, i’ve never felt so empty. i am the ice upon which you walk, i am the flame you want to touch but know it will burn you. i am the edge of the cliff that breaks off under your feet, i am the shallow water you jump into when you thought it was deep. i am the last step on the stairs you thought was there, i cause the grey streaks that start to show in my mothers hair.
and though i’m tired of reading myself, this book is all i’ve got. maybe one day i will skip ahead to see the life i’ve lost. things feel like they’ve made sense but i’m always on the fence, never knowing always feeling, never seeing but always believing.
this is just an overreaction, you can say maybe a false transaction, at least i hope this much is true its just all my minds been through, always influences the ways i dive into thought for days, but then it’s gone without a question, i don’t need any suggestions
—- ‘
i just need to get away from this feeling cause it scares me more than i thought i could scare myself anymore. it can’t be real, i tell myself it can’t be me. i never did anything to ask for this, really. i just want to be happy. and know it. i look in the cabinet, i search the bottle, ill search the smoke that emits from my lungs, in my dreams - always searching, always in the dark, always trapped without a way out, always backing down. if i constantly keep letting myself down i will make a mess out of myself, i realize this, i’ve realized this, and i keep letting it go. enough.
breathe out
